When we think of the words prejudice and bigotry we think of recent views of the alt-right neo nazis with the KKK marching to “defend” white rights. Maybe we think of the classic TV show All in the Family with Archie Bunker giving out his statements. We think about the marches on Selma, Al and the obstruction of George Wallace who would not let a colored girl enter a white school.
These were all real, and aside from the tv show meant to lampoon bigotry, they were horrible stains on our nation’s past. Yet in some ways they were the easier to deal with because it was so straight in your face. If someone hated me for being a Jew they just would call me a dirty Jew or a Kike and that would be it – I’d know. I’d know I had an enemy in that person and probably their friends and family.
As the beautiful song from South Pacific says so well:
You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear
You’ve got to be taught from year to year
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught
You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade
You’ve got to be carefully taught
You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people your relatives hate
You’ve got to be carefully taught
And so it was. So it was in WW II when we interned the Japanese americans but not the Germans, and turned away boatloads of political and religious refugees from the third reich to eventually go back and die in concentration camps.
Yet in some ways the most insidious form of bigotry is the quiet kind. The kind that is behind your back told around water coolers. Libels that are never brought to you to be refuted. People who dislike you but smile to your face, they just don’t include you in important discussions and give bad feedback to your bosses about your work.
The racism that hides behind resumes that sees name like Tyrell and needs a resume twice as good or Sally and is 30% less likely (I don’t know the actual numbers, but they are lower by significant amounts) to call, or a name like Chin and is more likely to call. There have been studies where they took the identical resumes and simply changed the names to evaluate this.
Sexism is in it’s own class. For some reason it is impossible to actual get men to notice that this is a real phenomenon. I get men who were not there tell me an event didn’t happen – um, ‘scuse me? I was there, you were not. I had someone who knew nothing argue about something where I’m an expert in the field, and that’s just me with my several year, not decades long experience of my girlfriends.
I send out this special message to my male friends. When you tell your inside jokes at your wive’s and girlfriend’s expense, and I know you do having been there. It may not be often, but it’s there. You make it more acceptable to treat women as less than men. When you carry on a conversation in a private men’s place like a locker room or a bathroom you are actively excluding your female colleagues and that is both an explicit physical barrier plus a direct statement of what you think of them.
Think twice about bitching about the sex that you are not getting all you need of or all the right varieties of. Your girlfriend or your wife is not part of a financial bargain where she gets involved with you romantically and you get to insist on any sexual activity you please. Use your words and talk it out and see what can be compromised on.
Just remember, imagine your face if what you’re saying makes it back to her ears. That’s a good rule for everyone. Don’t say something you wouldn’t say directly to someone to a third party. It’ll keep you out of a ton of trouble.
My Gifted Life 