it sounds better in French, doesn’t it? Retired. In French you might think I was taking a retreat, but it means the same. I found myself at the start of last Summer feeling more and more tired and in particular I’d find myself at work blocked several times a day. But I’d get up and take a ten minute walk and continue. But as the Summer moved on those ten minute walks quickly became 15, then 20, 25, 30 and finally hour long walks as I needed to be recharged before returning to make an effort.
I realized I couldn’t work. I thought, at the time, that Parkinson’s was responsible for my lack of concentration and it may be playing a role directly or indirectly by worsening my depression, but somehow Parkinson’s stuck in my head until a couple of weeks ago..
Back at the end of September I went on short term leave, which afforded me some breathing room. I scheduled an appointment with a new neurologist, my former having fled to Hawaii (imagine!). Finally seeing him I found that Parkinson’s was unlikely the culprit and I realized that my symptoms matched depression very well.
I’ve suffered from depression for years. Why I was in denial when I had clear symptoms such as loss of interest in my normal activities, including work, is unclear to me. I’ve brought it up with my psych nurse and we’ve started adjusting medication but it isn’t clear that I’ll be able to return to work – although I very much want to. If nothing else, seeing people on a daily basis and having structure to the day would be helpful.
You may notice that trans didn’t come up. That’s because it has no role except as one of many stimuli for the depression in the form of transition. However, it is balanced with my upcoming divorce, parkinson’s diagnosis, as well as other issues that come with being sixty and living alone.
A good thing to remember if you’re trans, or gay, or both. The world doesn’t need to revolve around being LGBT.
My Gifted Life 