This is a tough subject. I don’t wish to recount anybody’s exact story, nor give an example with a specific company as a target.

All these things tend to be continuously in motion. In a big company, or even in a modest size company your experience is likely to mostly depend on the people you actually work with and your managers.

What I’d like to do is point out some of the weak points in the system that you need to watch out for. What they didn’t teach you in kindergarten.

HR

Why start with HR? They are supposed to protect the employee, right? Not exactly, they are there to make sure nothing bad happens that affects the company. Most of the time the two line up rather well. Fairness in compensation is an example of that. Freedom from sexual harassment in the workplace at least should be an example of that but apparently wasn’t always carefully paid attention to if you’re following the news.

You’re going to want to know your company’s policy on transition. If you don’t see it on the website and you don’t know others that have transitioned I would try and find out carefully, especially in states that don’t have employment protection for LGBT workers.

In theory you should be able to go to HR. They are supposed to treat what you say to them as confidential. Here too I’d ask around a little if you aren’t positive, but generally if they aren’t doing so they can’t be at all effective at their job.

However, just because HR or the company has a legal responsibility, don’t assume that they will definitely help or do that. You may need to consider other avenues to gain leverage. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

In my case and most cases there were some standard things done:

• A transgender 101 introduction for the person’s immediate department/group to demystify what being trans means, is and is not
• Help getting all the paperwork arranged and changed (for the company, you need to do driver’s license, social security, etc.)
• Prep work and counselling
• Follow up

The introduction is supposed to educate, but in my opinion it does little to convince those with serious transphobic issues. What it does do is demystify and for some people that is a real help. It also provides a forum for issues like the bathroom (always comes up).

The follow up is, in my opinion, largely useless. The department employees who have a problem are very unlikely to admit it given the consequences. HR gains a false sense of confidence, and that continues if the trans employee leaves because nobody in their right mind tells the truth in an exit interview.

Management

Management’s purpose in your transition is to have it disrupt their department as  little as   possible. This, happily, generally means having it be non stressful to you. I met with my management team for planning a few times. They said what one might have expected “be sure to let us know about any problems”.

Still, note that their focus is on the organization, not on you. It’s understandable, but it is important that you don’t forget it.

Trainer

The person that does that Trans 101 talk. I had a very nice person who, in fact, knows a lot about the subject. However she wasn’t particularly knowledgeable about companies. Overall someone with a little less knowledge but more information about how it integrated into the   workplace would have been a better choice.

What goes wrong

Things that go wrong rarely, in my experience, raise to the level of actual spoken insults or slurs. Those are just too actionable and people are (mostly) too smart to be caught in them.

Socialization

In the workplace you have enforced relationships. Projects, sections or groups, departments, work groups, etc. A good reason to leave a group isn’t really because Bob is now Becky or Sally is now Sam.

And everyone knows that and therefore sticks around. They still don’t like Becky or Sam. John can’t even look at Sam. Sam tries to talk to John and finds John all but runs away. The next stop  is to their mutual group lead Evie. He tells her and the response is “What do you want me to do?”

This is one of the same managers who just two weeks before said please come tell us if there’s a problem. “How about talking with John about making me feel like a leper?”

Evie says: “I’m not sure I’m comfortable  doing that. Somehow the concrete problem is much harder than the abstract one.

Two weeks later Becky comes into the department manager’s office in tears. She had gone full time at work six months earlier and things had been fairly smooth sailing. When she calmed down she said that Jane Albert, one of the Senior VPs ordered her out of the ladies room (she was protected by both state law and company policy).

Her department manager looked at her quietly and finally said…

• (A great department manager) I know it wasn’t right, but she can make my life really difficult. Why don’t you and I go to HR together to support training to be taken by all of management regarding LGBT issues in the workplace and bathroom policy can be part of it. You have my blessing to politely inform her of policy if there’s a next time and ask her to talk with me.
• (Not as helpful) I can’t really argue with Senior VPs, but I’ll send a note to HR letting them know we had an incident and I’ll cc you. Please let me know in the future, perhaps we can rethink if it doesn’t get better.
• (Not helpful) You know arguing with Senior VPs is just an easy way for either of us to get fired. Please just use another bathroom. It may not be right, but sometimes we have to  swallow our pride.

Shunning

Sometimes people shun you. Most of mine were behind my back with the exception of this one woman who would make a huge point of looking away when I was coming down the hall toward her. I didn’t even know her.

To this day I really don’t know why other than prejudice and bigotry. But I suppose those are sufficient reasons – and that the shunners are cretins.

It makes for a rather hostile work environment. It is as if you are in a bubble. People pass by but won’t glance in your direction. You don’t get pulled into conversations. They don’t involve you in their projects.

Hostility

I ran into some of this with strangers. I can’t say why. It could have been because I’m female and old dogs and new tricks (these were just about all men and old men at that). It could have been because I’m trans and the rumor mill pointed me out. In no case were these people in my departments or it would have been actionable and I do think something would have been done. I did find it disturbing.

Termination

Some people have lost their jobs or had their jobs threatened. It is remarkably easy to set someone up for failure or cobble together a rationale to make them redundant. Even with laws on the books it can be very hard to prove cases in court. Then again the rules can be changed out from under you so federal statutes that applied under the last president no longer apply.

If you find yourself in such a situation try to document as much as you can and, if possible, change your working environment to a friendlier one. Thwarting one attempt isn’t likely to end the matter.

Don’t be the victim, be the actor.

Sexism

If you’re now a female congratulations, everyone feels free to treat you just like the other ones. Get ready to be talked over, dismissed, disregarded, and disrespected. You need to be strong and stand up for yourself or be trod upon.

Conclusion

Understand that everything is unlikely to be perfect and rosey. Be prepared to fight for your rights and have people who are not accepting in your work life. Doing anything else is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Look at it this way. If you prepare for this and everything is smooth sailing  you’ll be ecstatic, whereas if you didn’t and you had to deal with it you’d be crushed. Food for thought.