My Gifted Life

I’d like to starts with the hard stuff so I leave you with some more positive messages.

As these years have gone by it has become more and more apparent how deep my losses have been. Not everyone’s go this deep and some go deeper. I’ve seen outright rejection, usually in a non-confrontational way. I’ve seen changes in relationships, some of very, very long standing. I’ve seen people who have moved away from me but stayed acquaintances, perhaps torn between political correctness and their own feelings.

I have seen a lot of passive aggressive behavior where people aren’t actively trans-phobic or are even my “friends” but don’t find the energy to do the right thing. This has been an often repeated pattern. Similarly there are those who find fault with a level of behavior that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow for another person but does for me. I have found this particularly frustrating when told someone had a problem with something I did sometime. I mean literally that, which gives me nothing to act on.

The result of all this behavior is that making genuine friends has been very difficult. I have a couple of potential women friends who seem to accept me for me, which has become incredibly valuable.

But the result of all this is that I’m  painfully isolated and alone. I, in theory, have much of my mother’s family behind me but I wonder if that’s just “on paper”. A few I know are more than that. On my father’s side I have my cousin and his wife. I recently had a contact from his sister that I responded to but no followup. My wife’s family wrote me off  immediately, long before we decided to divorce.

I fortunately have contact with my own immediate family despite the upcoming divorce.

Of my old gaming group, a bunch of men I interacted with for thirty years there’s one guy I have lunch with and one other guy who helped me move. Otherwise crickets; and other alumni of that first job out of school have been quiet too – I’ve fallen off of everyone’s mailing lists.

Work was bad for awhile. I  was shunned by my department and more but I managed to move departments and did ok. The new department was fine. Fortunately my actual work was generally not with my department coworkers.

Enough doom, but do understand the downsides, work, home, family and friends.

I’m fortunate to be essentially 100% passable unless I give myself away by talking about actually being trans. This has been an incredible blessing.

The effects of  HRT continue to astound me. They continue to extended with body shape and even facial features as time goes on. My skin is amazing, I’m fortunate enough to get away with not require foundation and without foundation I don’t need blush since blush recreates what foundation hides.

The results of SRS are also pretty amazing. Sensation improves and continues to changes as the nerves appear to still be regrowing and changing.

I have some minor regret over breast augmentation. There’s a degree of numbness that appears to be permanent and is a known risk. It’s nothing extreme but I’m not sure  I would have done it had I known.

Electrolysis has reached essentially a maintenance point. There are scattered hairs everywhere but nothing concentrated. I can go for an hour but going more than once a month seems like a waste. My upper lip is pretty much bare.