(Modified from a Quora answer)
I don’t get offended when people accidentally screw up pronouns with me. I even had that discussion today with my eye doctor who was apologizing for my last office visit and I told him it really isn’t a big deal. I’ve been his patient for 20 years and he still calls me buddy. He sees me like twice a year. If he gets my pronouns right at all I’m thrilled.
I’m a trans person and we have pronoun issues and it typically takes the form of a trans woman, who is absolutely beyond any shadow of a doubt presenting as a female, usually has on makeup, jewelry and some ass is addressing her fully aware he is misgendering her as sir.
That’s what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about our old friend from college still screwing up our name and pronouns. Most people try. Most people you meet on the street just go by what they see and that’s fine by me. But some people are asses about it and are intentionally trying to inflict pain on vulnerable people.
Lest you underplay this, about a year ago and before I gained some additional confidence I had a few people misgender me two days in a row. They were old friends from my temple community, well meaning folks, who unintentionally stomped all over me. I did ok after the first one, but after the second or third I just broke down in sobs.
This was with people who were not trying to do harm. The other night I had a woman on the phone – I was doing a phone bank – say “you sound like a man” in a really nasty tone of voice. I didn’t break down but it took me a day to get over it.
We are vulnerable, terribly vulnerable to wounding this way and hardly supported at all by anybody, and I mean anybody. I have never seen someone interpose themselves and correct a person doing this.
My Gifted Life 