I’m reflecting here on things I’ve read, my current life and my life before all this started.
To start with I’ve always wondered at the labels. It seems that the best we can be in this life is ourselves and not force a particular set of values and behaviors. Self confidence in who we are does us, in my opinion, the most good.
From what I’ve been told I did a good job of impersonating a man. Does that mean I was masculine? It seems like it must. Otherwise the alternative would be that I was effeminate. I apparently, by all accounts was not effeminate or somebody might have questioned my behavior and outside of adolescence that didn’t seem to happen.
They say masculinity has to be earned and can be lost. I wonder at that. It seems to me that I just, neglecting the gender dysphoria, felt comfortable with most of the roles a man was to play. I never made an effort to be masculine. Yet now I’m told I’m feminine and I really am making no particular effort to be feminine.
Femininity they say isn’t earned and isn’t threatened by one’s minor faux pas. Perhaps that’s why I come across as feminine now. Just as with being masculine I simply do what’s coming natural and not making any particular effort.
Womanhood is a different matter. To some women the inability to have a baby makes you less than a full woman, and that’s whether you’re trans or simply unable to conceive. It seems less common today but in days of yore it was a more serious issue.
I don’t know what to make of these labels. All I can do is to be the best me I can be. I refuse to focus on being the perfect woman or to exhibit the perfect feminine behavior.
My Gifted Life 