I’ve read any number of stories where the transgender hero looses to the evil prince. A plot is set in and after a brave fight our hero is banished from the kingdom, bereft of family and friends. Can you see the picture?
While waiting for the fateful day, preparations were made. At this point my legal name had been changed, My drivers license and passport had been reissued in my new name. It’s astonishing how many details there are one person’s life. Many of these changes were left to the last minute because different id’s need matching others. I even changed my birth certificate.
As part of the preparations I asked HR if similar transitions had been handled without incident they said things had gone fine.
I received comforting news from HR, That everything should be fine. I then asked if I could talked to some of the transitioning folks.
After some more time the day arrived. I went with the HR rep to get my new badge and then met the assembled people in a fairly big conference room to accommodate the folks from the new departments who I would
I gave a short introduction and then left for my office. This is by design because it allows people to ask all sorts of questions. When the meeting was over some people stopped by to wish me well but most did nothing. I just continued my job. In an attempt to make the whole thing less impactful I used very little makeup the first week and I kept my clothing to pants and blouses that were less obviously feminine.
After a couple of years it was time for reassignment surgery. Another trans woman and I joined forces. Each of us met with our senior vps. I recall the conversation being very positive. When the question was raised at the next board meeting, it was passed after fifteen minutes of discussion.
I have recently interpreted actions that I originally had attributed to transphobia to understanding that a lot of what I told myself was carefully crafted so that things were never my fault. Years later now, I can see my role in things and my leaving a bit earlier than intended had as much to do with my own behavior as much as anything else.
Actual transphobia? Really there was almost none of that.
Well before the transition I was struggling to keep focused, and was having trouble making through the day. I started working a four day week, which allowed me time for therapy and relieved some of the pressure. I think my management should have sat me down and talked about the issues. They thought that now that I was transitioned that I’d go back to a normal work week. I wanted to believe that too, but with all the changes I was going through that I really needed to leave and recharge.
Sadly I went on medical leave and effectively retired. I do have a couple of comments so you, my readers, can avoid some of the problems that did come up. So take or leave this advice.
I over communicated and talked about things that my coworkers didn’t either need or want to hear. I spent far too much time using up work friends as my therapy. Perhaps ironically, if I had actually done what I said I would do all would have been ok.
Nobody needs to know and most likely want to know details of your transition. Leave people alone and they’ll most likely will do the same.
Good luck.
My Gifted Life 