Visions appear in my minds eye of middle aged librarians peddling furiously to stop tenth grade student Toby Carmichael from calling the sea the neutral it. Men in crisp white shirts ask to see your papers making sure everything is labeled and in order. Suddenly you are stopped at the corner of tenth and main…… Continue reading The gender police beyond the binary
Category: Transition
Memories – 2015 Jan to Oct
At this point I was fairly settled in at work, and P and I were still in the “honeymoon” were no definite decision could be made about SRS. I was still entertaining the notion we could find a way to stay married even if not romantically. There were signs this probably wasn’t practical, but we…… Continue reading Memories – 2015 Jan to Oct
Be Supportive – Accept us
This is probably the hardest one, it really is. After all, you might have known us a long time. Maybe this all feels a little unnatural and then again it just is so easy to think up objections to why we aren’t genuine. Let me go down the major ones to quell the fear. Not…… Continue reading Be Supportive – Accept us
The Last Step
A few hours ago a door closed on my old life. Many things have changed over the years, but this is particularly poignant. I received a letter, a thick letter, from the Vital Statistics office in Albany, NY and it contained a document saying that a female child Rachel was born to my parents on…… Continue reading The Last Step
Be Supportive – What you shouldn’t want us to know
Funny title? No, not really. Like many of these posts, this is as applicable to your friends as to trans people. There’s nothing special in what I’m saying other than I grew most aware of this as it affected me though a transgender lens. There’s this concept in Judaism of Lashon Harah, evil gossip. Amongst…… Continue reading Be Supportive – What you shouldn’t want us to know
Be Supportive – Ways not to be listened to
I guarantee you that if you start a conversation like any of these you’ve already lost before you’ve started: What were you thinking wearing something like that You look like a (fill in your pejorative) in that (article of clothing) That makeup makes you look like a (clown, floozy, hooker) I mean, how do you…… Continue reading Be Supportive – Ways not to be listened to
Be Supportive – Adult transitioners are in their second puberty
At least at first. I’m most aware of this with trans women, I’ll leave trans men for someone else to talk about. Trans women never got to go through that awkward pubescent stage of dressing inappropriately and using makeup badly, being taught by mothers and older sisters about appropriate clothing, appropriate makeup, and just plain…… Continue reading Be Supportive – Adult transitioners are in their second puberty
Be Supportive – Don’t Be Judgmental
Especially for adults, if they’ve made a decision, they have probably struggled long and hard making that decision. As a friend you might question why and how they’ve reached this point or express concern. It is certainly normal to do so. I would just ask that you realize that they’re probably looking for support more than…… Continue reading Be Supportive – Don’t Be Judgmental
Be Supportive – Use our Names and Pronouns as soon as possible
I know that can’t be right away for partners and parents and wives and husbands and siblings and children in most cases. You were so close to him or her for so very long. Her memory lingers on that piano bench. You can still smell his cologne on the guitar he used to sing to…… Continue reading Be Supportive – Use our Names and Pronouns as soon as possible
Being Supportive – First in a short series
I think we all appreciate support in whatever we are trying to do. A lot of what I’m going to say is really general, but some of the circumstances are particular to trans people. I’m sure you can tell the difference. This is a short series about things you can do, and shouldn’t do to…… Continue reading Being Supportive – First in a short series
My Gifted Life 